NORTH POLE — Santa Claus announced this week that he has become fairly certain he will never be able to retire, citing sustained global demand, lack of a viable successor, and the growing realization that he did not contribute nearly enough to his 4
Read More
CARACAS — In a diplomatic escalation no one saw coming — and analysts strongly suspect no one fully understands — Venezuelan authorities announced Tuesday they have seized a McDonald’s cargo vessel entering their waters, claiming it was part of a “U
Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Confusion rippled through the Department of Defense this week after thousands of checks issued to military personnel reportedly bounced, following what aides described as a “decimal-related misunderstanding” involving former Presi
Read More
DES MOINES, IA — Local authorities confirmed Tuesday that a 911 call was placed by a concerned 9-year-old boy after his father spent nearly 45 uninterrupted minutes making the same joke about “six seven” and refusing to stop. According to the eme
Read More
BOISE, ID — Local conspiracy theorist Darren Holt announced Tuesday that he is “starting to notice some patterns” suggesting that believing in conspiracies might itself be part of a much larger conspiracy. Holt, who has spent the last decade conn
Read More