Salem, OR – The Oregon Legislature has passed a new law that limits alcohol sales to one beer per week for each resident and bans all other forms of alcohol, including wine. It also raises the age to purchase a beer to 30. Oregon Governor Kate Brown said after she signed the bill that “This is just a common sense alcohol law. Nobody should be against this. It saves lives.”
“Enforcing this new alcohol law will save lives,” said the Governor. “Yes it’s an inconvenience for most people, but we had to do it. It doesn’t matter that most law abiding citizens are responsible with alcohol. It had to happen.”
Oregon’s wine industry will be destroyed quickly since producing the drink, as well as transporting it throughout the state, will be illegal. “Yes, we will lose thousands of jobs and millions in taxes and other revenue, but it will be worth it. I don’t like wine anyway, so it won’t matter to me too much,” Brown said.
At one beer per week, most breweries and restaurants will suffer. Jon Sundeer of Portland Beer Factory said, “We brew our own beer and this will destroy us. At one beer per week nobody will come in anymore. This is a disaster. It’s not fair to us law-abiding beer drinkers that we have to pay for other people’s irresponsible behavior.”
But perhaps the most controversial part of the law is that all residents will be implanted with RFID chips to track their beer purchases, including children over five, even though they can’t purchase alcohol. People will have a choice, however, to have the chips implanted in their arms or buttocks. “We’re all about free choice,” said Brown.
