Seattle, WA – The City of Seattle has a new law. Smoking tobacco cigarettes within 300 feet of a door is now illegal. However, smoking pot within six inches is now allowed.
“We had to do something to protect people’s health and well-being from big corporate tobacco smoke. It’s awful, that corporate, bourgeoisie stench,” said council-woman Kshama Sawant.
The new law essentially bans smoking tobacco anywhere in the city since there is hardly a place where a door is not within 300 feet of anything. “So long Joe Camel. Take your corporate profits of death someplace else,” Sawant said. “Seattle just kicked you and your cancer sticks out of Seattle.”
However, the new law allows people to smoke marijuana within six inches of any door, including schools, hospitals, and daycare facilities. It also doesn’t prohibit smoking pot around heating and air-conditioning units. “We want people to have the choice and freedom to smoke pot, even by schools. It’s important that we let our citizens, especially citizen children, know that corporate profits are out and that small, homegrown businesses are in,” Sawant continued. “Children need to breathe deep and inhale the skunky smell of freedom.”
When asked about the negative health effects of smoking pot, especially when a school’s principal is smoking a joint next to a school’s ventilation system, Sawant replied “Don’t tell me the facts about smoking a joint. Facts are not the issue. The issue is corporate profit and greed. That is the only thing I care about, not cancer or mental health or drugged out children.”
When asked about how much the City of Seattle is currently making annually from taxes of marijuana sales, Sawant replied “I don’t think the amount really matters. But I’ll just say that now my office can finally afford catered lunches and bi-weekly retreats to Hawaii.”
The new law takes effect May 1, 2020.
