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Richland Elementary Student Brings Brussels Sprouts to School; Forces Younger Child to Eat Them

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Richland, WA – A Richland elementary school student was sent to the hospital Wednesday after ingesting Brussels sprouts that another student brought to school, sources tell The Sasquatch Sun.

Principal Jim Bornoff said during a staff meeting and in phone calls to parents that a fourth grader provided the Brussels sprouts to a third grader and forced the younger student to eat them, according to multiple sources who heard the information first-hand from Bornoff.

Bornoff said that a student brought an “unidentified green substance into the school” and gave it to another student. Bornoff told staffers and parents that Richland police tested the substance after the child was sent to the hospital.

The child who ingested the bitter and gross vegetable is doing fine, Bornoff wrote in an email to parents Wednesday.

Bornoff called the district offices and Richland police when he heard about the incident. The student who ingested the substance was put under the supervision of the school’s health assistant until their family arrived. The student was taken to the hospital and did not show signs of physical distress other than vomiting, Bornoff wrote.

“While this incident is far from normal, it is a reminder that students should not taste, touch or ingest unfamiliar or unidentified vegetables, whether from a fellow student or not,” Bornoff wrote.

Richland Public Schools spokesman Gary Varner confirmed that an “unknown vegetable substance” was handled by a handful of students at the school Wednesday. Richland police confirmed that an investigation is underway but declined to offer details, saying the process is in its early stages.

Note: The Sasquatch Sun produces hard-hitting, in-depth news satire for the sunny Pacific Northwest. The preceding article is a mythical work of fiction and is not an actual news story. Leave and view comments below.
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