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Citizens of Vancouver WA Calling for City Name Change

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Vancouver, WA – The citizens of Vancouver, Washington are calling for change. A change to the city’s name, that is. Saying they are fed up with always having to specify “Vancouver, Washington – just north of Portland, Oregon” whenever they say where they live, the Citizens for Changing Vancouver’s Name Now (or CCVNN) plan to put a measure on the November 2020 ballot that would change the city’s name to something more unique that wouldn’t cause confusion.

“I grew up in this area,” said Thomas Fendberg, 47, who founded CCVNN and spear-headed the renaming campaign, “but sometimes I’ve had to travel outside the area, and whenever I say I’m from Vancouver, people always say, ‘Oh, so you’re Canadian?’. It’s so annoying! Then I say, ‘No, I’m from Washington,’ and they reply, ‘D.C.?’. That brings up a whole other problem – we’ll address that later.”

When asked about the cost of renaming a well-established and highly populated city, Fendberg said, “You can’t put a price on peace of mind. But if you had to put a price on it, I’m guessing about $5 Million.” He insisted that while that price tag might seem big, especially for something that doesn’t actually help people in any way, this has been a life-long dream and he’s not about to let it die. “I think it was Shakespeare that said ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,’” said Fernberg. “Well, that’s true for cities too. But hopefully the new name will actually make our city smell better – it kind of reeks when the pulp mills are operating.”

CCVNN has said that the names they’re considering to replace Vancouver are: Surrey, Richmond and White Rock. When Fendberg was advised that all three names are also cities near Vancouver, BC, he said “Son of a [expletive]!” He has since moved to Washington, D.C. where he never has to explain where he actually lives.

CCVNN is regrouping after the sudden departure of their founder. However, they plan to move forward with the plan to get Vancouver’s name change on the ballot.

Note: The Sasquatch Sun produces hard-hitting, in-depth news satire for the sunny Pacific Northwest. The preceding article is a mythical work of fiction and is not an actual news story. Leave and view comments below.
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