Cannon Beach, OR – Citing it as a public health hazard, The Sasquatch Sun has learned a local official plans to blow up Haystack Rock.
“There’s just way too much bird and seal crap on that rock,” said Mayor Sam Steidel. “When I became mayor everybody thought I was joking around about destroying it. I never joke about blowing up stuff.”
Rising 235 feet into the air, Haystack Rock is a popular sightseeing feature in Oregon. Thousands of people visit the beach and natural feature each year. It also was the backdrop for the movie The Goonies.
The mayor cited other issues with the rock that concerned him. “Not only does it stink, but it also blocks the sunset each night. You can’t see a thing behind its hugeness. Kids are always losing their fidget spinners by it. Plus whales constantly run into it when it’s dark, causing serious injuries to our whale brethren. Every. Single. Day. It has to go.”
Visitor Mary Jorgan agrees. “This is my first time here and the very first thing I saw was that miserable rock,” she said, sipping on a Shasta cola. “Normal beaches don’t have this evil monstrosity. How will a tsunami get through when the big one hits?”
To help pay for the cost of the explosives, people can go to a Go Fund Me site the mayor set up, “Blow that Rock Up!”. The mayor is seeking $100,000 and has raised $523 so far, $500 of that by the mayor personally. “I thought we’d have more than that by now. So I’m a bit surprised more people don’t want this eyesore brought down.”
[Original photo credit: Joe Mabel/Wikimedia Commons]
