Boise, ID – In a retaliatory strike against the governors of Washington and Oregon for declaring Republicans non-essential, Gov. Brad Little has declared the Democratic Party as non-essential.
Yesterday, Gov. Inslee of Washington and Gov. Kate Brown of Oregon declared the Republican Party as a non-essential political party to fight coronavirus. “What they did was reprehensible,” said Little. “Well, we Idahoans can be just as reprehensible to fight the coronavirus. I hereby declare that the Democratic Party is non-essential effective immediately and retroactive ten years ago.”
The new executive order requires that all Democratic Party officials, the 17 citizens and 349 non-citizens who voted for Democrats in the last 10 years to shelter in place indefinitely until Little isn’t angry anymore.
“Along with other non-essential businesses and religions, such as pot shops and the Unitarian Church, certain political parties will now be deemed non-essential. Specifically Democrats, who I secretly call ‘DemoRats’. Get it?” chuckled Little. “Anyway, I think I’m starting to like what my fellow Pacific Northwest governors are doing to suppress freedom of speech and assembly against their political enemies. Thanks for the fantastic idea, Inslee and Brown!”
When Gov. Inslee and Gov. Brown learned what Little was doing, they denounced the decision. “Once again, red state governors show their true colors of hate and bigotry and it appears our neighbor Idaho is continuing with that tradition,” said Inslee. “To declare Democrats, the only political party that loves children and grandmas, as non-essential is just wrong and immoral. Let my people go!”
“I agree with my fellow blue state governor. Idaho must stop immediately,” said Brown, sobbing.
When asked why she was crying, Brown said she hates to see what is happening in Idaho. “It pains me to know what is happening to my fellow comrades in Idaho. Sure, we suppress Republicans in my state, but that’s because they’re conservative. Democrats love everyone and if we don’t love you it’s your own hateful fault.”
As Little drove off in his sky-blue Toyota Prius, he declared victory. “Thanks to the coronavirus we now have the ability to change and mold society into my image. Also, thanks to Inslee and Brown for showing me how to suppress their citizens’ rights. It’s the new American way!”
