Olympia, WA – In a shocking speech at the virtual Democrat National Convention, former First Lady Michelle Obama endorsed Republican Loren Culp for Washington State Governor.
“Washington State needs change. Real change. The only real man that can do that is Loren Culp,” said Mrs. Obama to a surprised crowd. “Tonight I am endorsing Culp for the governor of Washington State!”
“Washington State needs much, much more relaxed gun laws. I am for each gun owner owning magazines that hold a minimum, not a maximum, of 15 bullets. No more clip limits for this gun girl!” she continued. “Culp is the only one who can do this. Jay Inslee cannot and will not protect your Second Amendment rights. I only want the people of that great state to have the same protection I get from my fully locked and loaded bodyguards.”
“I also want to do away with background check requirements when buying a firearm. There’s no need for that, just like there’s no need to have a license to carry concealed. It’s time and Culp is the man for this time,” said Mrs. Obama.
“One last thing. I want to lower the age of buying a firearm to 12 years old for boys and 14 years old for girls because boys can shoot better than girls. Everyone knows this. Culp will do this, people!”
As Mrs. Obama spoke, the crowd looked on in stunned disbelief. “Culp is the only one that can bridge the gap, bridge the divide between the citizens of Western and Eastern Washington by uniting us in our common gun rights beliefs. Culp will turn Inslee into pulp!”
Mrs. Obama then suddenly dropped the mic and walked out of her living room as Mr. Obama tried to hide in the corner out of sight of the laptop’s camera.
Governor Inslee was somewhat saddened to hear the news. “I’m in complete denial of what I just witnessed. However, if Mrs. Obama is endorsing Culp then I’m endorsing Culp, too. I don’t want Culp to turn me into pulp. That would hurt,” said Inslee.
Culp wasn’t surprised at the endorsement, however. “Mrs. Obama knows a good thing when she sees it. She knows I’ll get the job done and give it 100% because the Second Amendment is very important, particularly to those in Seattle and Western Washington,” said Culp. “So vote for Culp and I’ll turn Inslee into pulp. You have my word.”
After Mrs. Obama’s and Gov. Inslee’s endorsement, polls now show Culp will win with 100% of the vote this November.
[Photo Credits: Loren Culp: Courtesy of Culp Campaign; Michelle Obama: Gage Skidmore, Wikimedia Commons]
