Idaho Bans Cats in Effort to Fight Climate Change

Boise, ID - In an effort to fight climate change, Governor Brad Little of Idaho has signed a bill banning all cats within the state. "Science has shown that cats cause the climate to grow warmer due to their flatulence and arrogance. This is not deb

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Lynden Erects Tremendous 803 Foot Trump Statue

Lynden, WA - The city of Lynden erected Washington State’s first statue honoring President Donald Trump yesterday. At 803 feet, the solid gold figure is the tallest and most expensive statue in the state and the world. “We felt we wanted to honor

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Portland Mayor Soothes Antifa with ASMR

Portland, OR - To soothe the violent nature of Portland’s thriving Antifa culture, it has been reported that Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler is using a new technique to calm the group’s frayed nerves: ASMR. “I will heal our comrades with my soothing voic

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