Lynden, WA – The city of Lynden erected Washington State’s first statue honoring President Donald Trump yesterday. At 803 feet, the solid gold figure is the tallest and most expensive statue in the state and the world.
“We felt we wanted to honor Trump in a very special and a very tremendous and a very beautiful way,” Mayor Scott Korthuis was quoted as saying during a ribbon cutting celebration. “A statue this tall and this big and this yuge tells the world who’s in charge. We absolutely love our dear leader.”
When shown a picture of the statue, the President tweeted:
“Tremendously beautiful! The people of Lindin (sic) are very special! I need to visit there someday. #MAGS (sic)!”
Candidate Trump had a rally in Lynden in May of 2016.
Lynden resident Marge Van Stoop, 107, wasn’t too happy about the statue. “I voted for Trump and all that, but it’s too tall. It blocks the sun most of the day. Over a million birds have died running into it. Seven planes have crashed into it in the last week alone. It doesn’t even rain here anymore. It’s tremendously ridiculous. We need a Matlock statue instead.”
Ryder Van-Vander Smith, 19, didn’t appreciate it either. “To get it to fit in here they had to wipe out the entire Northwest Washington Fairgrounds, destroyed 117 houses, and leveled 338 churches. I don’t know, it just seems tremendously wrong to do that, you know? Couldn’t they just have built a more normal sized statue, like one foot tall or something?”
Roger Vander Schnoz, 56, was very happy to have it, however. “I’m so very happy to have this statue. I don’t mind that my property taxes went up 1425% to pay for it. It’s tremendously worth it to show our respect for the Trumpster and ‘Murica. Hashtag MAGA.”
When asked if such a large statue constituted a form of idol worship, Mayor Korthuis responded, “Well, God is still number one here. But Trump certainly comes in a close second.”
[Photo credit (modified statue): Joe Mabel / Wikimedia Commons]
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