Seattle, WA – Seattle has passed a law that makes it illegal to cut in line anywhere in the city. “We’re going to stop people from not properly waiting in line,“ said Mayor Jenny Durkin. “It isn’t fair for the people waiting in line the correct and courteous way. Unless you’re running across our southern border, of course.”
Seattle will go after anyone cutting a line. This will be enforced especially for people waiting in line to fill up their vehicles with fuel. “We see it here all the time,“ said Seattle Super Gas clerk Amy Salward. “People will be patiently waiting in line and all of a sudden some guy in an old Subaru just comes off the street and cuts in front of a customer. It makes me mad. It should make everyone mad.”
Grocery shopper Barry Bart agrees. “I’ll be patiently waiting to buy my food just like everybody else. But someone, usually some white male in a suit, just barges in. He’ll say he’s really sorry and fake apologizes because he’s late for a meeting at City Bank or something. But that doesn’t make it right. They need to be arrested and thrown in jail.”
However, local white male in a suit and businessman Jerry Barnwaiter disagrees. “Who do these privileged people think they are anyway? When I have a shareholder meeting I’ve got to get there quickly. Time is money. I’m not hurting anyone except for maybe just a few seconds. Why are the people of Seattle so selfish with their time? They’re just plain wrong and I’ll be cutting in line for the foreseeable future. Count on it.”
Seattle will leverage fines of $100 on the first arrest, $1000 for the second, and 25-years in jail for a third offense. “Unless the line is a border with another country, here in Seattle we don’t look too kindly on cutting in line. It’s just not fair to those doing it the right way.”
