Moses Lake, WA – Bill Starkey is standing outside his brown house, in the brown, high-desert of Moses Lake. Bill is mad. “We are not the Evergreen State, dadgummit. We should be called The Everbrown State just to make it fair. I was born here and have never left town once in my 96 years on earth. I’ve never even been to Ephrata, but I hear it’s pretty brown there, too. Do you see anything green around here? Nope. Bunch of brown dirt and brown sagebrush and brown cats. Forever brown!”
Starkey and 100% of his Eastern Washington neighbors are angered over what they view as the state’s misnomer.
“Give me a break. Half this state is brown. Once again, the hippies in the People’s Republic of Western Washington dictate who we are. Well, we’re not green – we’re brown and proud of it, “ said Sue Bardonface of Ritzville. “They think we drink wine from a Pringles can or something over here. Well, once again those yuppies are wrong. We drink beer from tennis ball containers that look like a Pringles can.”
When asked about the issue, Gov. Jay Inslee replied, “I’ve never even heard of Moses Lake or Ritzville before. Are they near Canada? Pretty green up there, I’ve heard. Stick of gum?”
In an effort to help come up with a compromise, Ellensburg resident Steve E. Radick proposed a new nickname: “How about The Ever-Breen State? Get it? The first two letters of brown and last three of green? It’s perfect! I love The Ever-Breen State!”
The vote to officially change the state nickname to The Ever-Breen State goes before the Washington State Legislature next week.
