Coeur d’Alene, ID – A new report shows 92% of city residents can’t spell their city’s own name. 100% who live outside the city have no clue, either.
“I’ve lived here for over 58 years, and I still get it wrong,” chuckled Elaine Cord, 57. “Sometimes I spell it correctly, but most of the time I just mess it up. It’s frustrating, that’s for sure.”
The city is named after Native Americans who lived in the region and were first contacted by Eurpoeans in the late 18th century. French fur traders referred to the native inhabitants as Coeur d’Alene, which means “heart of an awl” in French. But that history doesn’t matter if nobody can spell it.
The local post office sees a never ending variety of spellings: Cord Elaine, Cordy Lean, Core De Allean, Courdoulane, Card Lane. “Please teach your children to spell their hometown’s name. It’s so embarrassing,” said Postmaster Chuck Ohligrosso. “I’m tired of fixing this nightmare. I want to move to Athol. But, then again, I guess they have a different problem with that name up there. I need hazard pay.”
In a scandal last year, Mayor Steve Whidmayer tearfully admitted he couldn’t spell the city’s name during a press conference. “I still don’t know how to spell it. I confess and admit my awful behavior. I beg for your forgiveness. I will seek help immediately to rectify this wrong.” Fallout from the scandal has left him penniless. He currently lives in the woods in Tubbs Hill Park.
To help with this spelling catastrophe, Coeur d’Alene City Council Member Ronny Stillwheelin wants the federal government to declare a state of emergency and release funds to the city. “We are seeking $2 Billion to launch a nation-wide educational campaign, which will solve our spelling problem once and for all,” said Stillwheelin. When asked for specifics on how the city plans to use the funds, and when told that similar campaigns cost merely $1-2 Million, Stillwheelin said “No comment. Go Vikings!”
