Olympia, WA – After months of campaigning and receiving a modest 0.002% approval in the polls, Governor Jay Inslee dropped out of the race for President last August. “If it weren’t for climate change, I’d probably be the front-runner,” Inslee said in an interview with The Sasquatch Sun. “Climate change literally killed my campaign. I demand campaign-climate justice and I demand it now”.
Inslee began his campaign early in 2019 with the hope of becoming the first President from Washington State. However, with the crowded field of potential Democrat nominees it became an uphill battle to gain attention. “I soon realized that climate change affects more than the planet. It affected my campaign from day one,” said Inslee.
Due to climate change, Inslee said he couldn’t break out of being below 1% in the polls. “It was so hot and so cold and so mild and so sunny and so cloudy and so snowy because of climate change, nobody could recognize me — a very handsome, very tall, very white man with gray hair and black glasses from Washington – the other Washington, that is” Inslee said.
While on the campaign trail, Inslee traversed the country in jets and SUVs that poured tons of CO2 into the atmosphere. “Putting CO2 in the atmosphere is perfectly fine when you’re against climate change and running for President, like me. There’s nothing wrong about it because CO2 kills everything in its path. As proof, it killed my campaign.”
Inslee plans to run for governor in 2020. “I was deeply affected by this climate injustice that stopped my Presidential campaign dead in its tracks,” Inslee said. “There was no other reason my campaign failed. Nothing else. Nothing. Ask Snopes. Fact check true!”
[Inset image credit (cropped): Gage Skidmore – Wikimedia Commons]
