Boise, ID – In an effort to fight climate change, Governor Brad Little of Idaho has signed a bill banning all cats within the state. “Science has shown that cats cause the climate to grow warmer due to their flatulence and arrogance. This is not debatable,” the Governor stated. “They destroy trees instantly and permanently when they scratch them with their claws. Science has also shown that cats are evil and just look evil. Dogs aren’t like this. I hate cats so much for what they’re doing to humanity, our climate, and our collective lawns.”
When asked about Idaho’s new law, the Idaho Group for Climate Justice and Peace and Love (IGCJPL) said that while they agree climate change is an issue and cats probably don’t affect anything, they will not try to stop the new law. IGCJPL spokesperson Jim Axemyn said, “If it appears to stop climate change and it gets people woke about climate justice, we will agree with anything, including killing your pet. Get ‘er done.”
Boise PETA director Cindy Wether agrees. “Normally we try to save cats from unethical treatment and this new law does seem unethical. However, the unethical part is overridden by the ethical cause of saving the planet. Cats are killing Mother Earth. We had to choose and we chose to kill cats, including my cat, Mr Squeegee. We support this bill 100% and our actions prove it.”
The new law goes into effect immediately. It is also retroactive. Cat owners have thirty days to turn in their cats. If citizens are caught with cats after the 30 days, or are caught trafficking cats on the black market, they may face Idaho’s death penalty law.
“We are zero-tolerance on this. Planet Earth’s life is in the balance. Cats have to go or you have to go, pal,” said Little.
[Photo credit: Brad Little (cropped) / Wikimedia Commons]
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