Yakima, WA – To show how much he cares, Gov. Jay Inslee traveled today to Yakima County to visit the firefighters on the front lines of the Evans Canyon fire. “I love these guys so much, I thought I would come visit them in person and bring them a box of my favorite Washington State confection, Aplets and Cotlets. I’m very generous that way.”
Inslee arrived in Yakima with the box of candy for about 200 hungry firefighters, ready to scarf it down. “You are in my heart and my mind every single day. I can’t stop thinking about how much you put your lives in danger for all of us mere mortals,” said a tearful Inslee. “So in complete and utter appreciation, I bring to you this box of Aplets and Cotlets.”
Inslee turned to his assistant and was handed the box of candy. The famished firefighters, who hadn’t eaten in over a week, stared eagerly as Inslee slowly opened the box. “Here, my fellow warriors. Partake now in these beautiful sweets. There’s only one box, so you’ll need to split it up between you all.”
However, as the box was fully opened, hundreds and hundreds of maggots spilled out onto the ground, devouring everything in their path, including Inslee’s assistant. It was a horrific scene to behold.
“I thought there was a funny smell in the box. I also couldn’t figure out why the box would wriggle and move on its own,” said Inslee. “I probably should’ve brought some Miner’s Drive-In burgers instead. Oh, well. It’s the thought that counts. Am I right?”
As the weary, hungry and vomiting firefighters began to slowly walk back to the raging fires, Inslee was heard shouting from his row of black SUVs, “Thank you, men and women, but mostly the men! Remember to vote for me this November and not that other guy! I’m here for you, forever and always!”
[Inset photo credit: Glane23 / Wikimedia Commons]
