Seattle, WA – Following Seattle’s lead in closing 20 miles of streets to traffic, the Washington State Department of Transportation (WSDOT) will close I-90 from North Bend to Cle Elum. “Using the Coronavirus as a somewhat flimsy excuse, this section of Interstate 90 will be closed to all traffic. Permanently,” said WSDOT spokesperson Dalia Goodridge. “You can still hike to Eastern Washington if you want. It’ll just take you awhile.”
When asked for more specifics on why the closure is necessary, Goodridge stated, “Everyone I talk to just hates that section of the highway. It’s so ugly up there with all the trees, mountains, rivers, fresh air and stinky marmots. So to provide more space for people to walk and ride bikes up there in that wasteland during this pandemic, we decided to just shut it down. Forever. Got a problem with that?”
The Summit at Snoqualmie ski area manager Jerry Risendrop wasn’t so happy with the decision. “How are people supposed to get up here to ski now? Normally a lack of snow and wolf attacks stop our operations. But now WSDOT just shuts the whole highway down without any public input?” said Risendrop. “Seems like government overreach to me.”
Cle Elum truck driver Cliff Truckstop agreed. “I make daily runs delivering thousands of fidget spinners to Pike Place Market from our warehouse. But now I can’t unless I drive over to Stevens Pass and there are scary ghosts on that road,” said Truckstop. “Those poor people in Seattle. What will they do now without a precious fidget spinner?”
Goodridge was unmoved by Risendrop’s and Truckstop’s concerns. “Please, no one likes to ski any more. That was a fad that ended years ago,” she said. “And who still uses fidget spinners? What is this, 2015? Most people in America don’t get enough exercise, so this solves two problems at once: keep Coronavirus at bay and make people walk off the Quarantine 15. You’re welcome, Washington.”
[Photo credit WSDOT – Flickr]
