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Murder Hornet Flies Away With Cat, Murders It

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Everett, WA – In a tragic scene, a Murder Hornet has carried off a local cat. “It was the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen,” said the cat’s owner Denise Shepfield. “I am devastated.”

The attack took place at Langus Riverfront Park last Monday evening. “Wienerschnitzel and I were playing catch with his favorite frisbee. We were about done for the evening and he wanted to just have one more catch, as most cats do,” said Shepfield. “So I threw it and as he was making his jump, this thing flew right at him. At first I thought it was a crow, but it was too big to be that. To my surprise it was a Murder Hornet. That cat weighed 27 pounds, too.”

Shepfield was shocked as the hornet grabbed onto the cat and slowly flew away over the river. “I watched as Wienerschnitzel was flying off into the sunset. I knew he was gone forever.”

Witnesses confirmed the event. Mary Walker couldn’t believe it. “We saw it just fly in and take the cat like it was a feather or something. My cat, Puff-Puff, was just a few feet away playing in the river with her tennis ball, as most cats do. Usually eagles or hawks get our fur babies,” said Walker. “Now we have to contend with Murder Hornets. Sigh.”

Local Washington State Wildlife Agent Scott Nable also confirmed the attack. “We found the cat a few miles away the next day. The only thing left were bones, some tufts of fur and Wienerschnitz’s collar. They stripped that cat like piranhas would strip a cow in the Amazon River,” said Nable. “They probably should be renamed Piranha Hornets now.”

A service for Wienerschnitzel will take place next Saturday to honor his life. “Even though I have another 37 cats in my apartment, there will never be another cat like him,” said Shepfield. “The only thing I can count on now is getting another kitten and not playing frisbee with it. Murder Hornets murdered my cat and I’ll never be the same.”

Note: The Sasquatch Sun produces hard-hitting, in-depth news satire for the sunny Pacific Northwest. The preceding article is a mythical work of fiction and is not an actual news story. Leave and view comments below.
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