Victoria, WA – Saying it doesn’t make sense any longer to wait, President Trump annexed Victoria, British Columbia and the southern end of Vancouver Island today. “Welcome my new US citizens. Your hellish Canadian nightmare is now over. Beautiful!”
Citing the tiny Washington State community of Point Roberts as the driving force for the decision, Trump went ahead and made the quick decision. “Little Point Roberts sits at the 49th parallel. I call it Little Bob. Anyway, the US got that tiny piece of land, but not Vancouver Island south of that line? What sense does that make? That was a terrible deal. Time for a new deal.”
The Oregon Treaty of 1846 made Point Roberts an isolated community that is reached by land by traveling 25 miles through Canada or by boat. Canada received all of Vancouver Island in the deal. It is less than 5 square miles in land and has a population of less than 1,500 residents, the vast majority of which are Canadian citizens. “To make it a tremendously fair trade, Canada can have Little Bob back. But we get Victoria.”
As US tanks rolled in to Victoria, the American soldiers were greeted as liberators. “Viva America!” said resident Jean Claus. “We’ve waited for this day for decades. It finally took the guts of a real man to do it. And Trump is that man. Long live Trump!”
Salt Spring Island resident Gord Bower agrees. “I cry every night into my pillow that I’m not American, and that I can’t vote for Trump. That wrong has been corrected. I love living south of the 49th parallel now!”
American troops will occupy southern Vancouver Island for the foreseeable future. “There are small bands of terror cells north of the 49th we need to take care of, but that won’t be a problem,” said Trump. “Eventually we’ll get a wall built there, paid by Mexico, of course.”
