Yakima, WA – To honor the protestors, Antifa and the anarchists of Seattle’s Capitol Hill Occupied Protest (CHOP), formerly known as the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ), formerly known before that as Capitol Hill, the residents of Eastern Washington have created the Eastern Washington Autonomous Zone, or EWAZ.
“We wanted to call it the Eastern Washington Occupied Protest, but someone said EWAZ sounded way cooler than EWOP, so that’s what it is,” said organizer Bill Hucklenow. “We stand in solidarity with our brothers, sisters, dads, moms, grandpas, grandmas, first cousins, second cousins twice removed, aunts, uncles, half-brothers, half-sisters, sons, daughters, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, fathers-in-law, and most importantly our mothers-in-law of CHAZ!”
Hucklenow and his fellow protesters blocked off all routes from Western Washington into the Eastern Side of the state with barricades. Some of the barricades had graffiti painted on them that said “ALAB”, “ADAB”, “FTG”, and “Abolish Western Washington”. “We know that these things sound bad to the ignorant and uninformed citizens of Western Washington. But once you realize the Western Washington Privilege you have over us East-siders, you’ll come to agree with us,” said Hucklenow. “Their privilege has taken our vote away and we need to do something. You may now kiss my right boot.”
Governor Inslee responded to the protest by saying he’s very sorry this is happening. “I don’t like it when they say ‘FTG’ as it gets kind of personal, you know. But I understand what they’re saying. Some of my best friends are from Eastern Washington and some of them even have farmer’s tans,” said Inslee.” Because of this I will not send in the secret Washington State Patrol Assasination Unit to kill them all. I think it will be a Summer of Love over there. I’m very hopeful.”
Hucklenow said that going the EWAZ route was much better than trying to go the legal route to split off from Western Washington. “The protestors and CHAZ/CHOP have shown us the way that government leaders are powerless against a violent takeover of neighborhoods to get their demands met. We’re just taking it the next step further with taking over half the state.”
