Olympia, WA – Washington State is about to get a new initiative on the ballot that will raise the cost of your commute. The tax increase is being championed by anti-tax guru Tim Eyman.
The ballot measure, I-1234567890, will raise the gas tax by five dollars per gallon to help fund Eyman’s future anti-tax initiatives, forever and ever.
“Taxes are out of control in Washington State,” Eyman explained. “We need this new tax to reign in these outrageous taxes passed by our elected leaders, who I call our evil overlords. Just like we fight fire with fire, we’re going to fight taxes with taxes. Except for my new tax initiative, taxes never solve anything and they are immoral. Plus I need a full-time job.”
Eyman continued, “I realize I’m usually against taxes, but this is a tax everyone can get behind, especially Governor Inslee. He absolutely loves taxes, no matter what. Loooooves them,” he stated while making a cute heart-shaped sign with his hands.
When Governor Inslee was asked about the new tax initiative he responded, “Yes, Eyman is one-hundred percent correct. There is no wrong tax, ever. Eyman and I don’t usually see eye-to-eye on most things, especially which NFL team is the best, which I believe are the San Francisco 49ers, by the way. But this tax increase I can definitely get behind. It is morally wrong not to get this on the ballot and it will be morally wrong not to vote for it. If it doesn’t pass, I will sign an executive order to get this done. Trust me. I never lie when it comes to morality and getting more money.”
If the tax initiative passes, Washington will have the highest gas tax in the nation. “I’m proud of that and I can say I did it all on my own with nobody’s help,” Eyman said. “We will stop taxes with this new tax once and for all. Let’s do this, Washingtonians!”
[Inset Photo Credit: Stephen Schwartz]
