Portland, OR – City of Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has signed an executive order that will build a wall around the entire city’s border. Wheeler stated in his press conference, “We must protect Portland’s progressive values from those who would steal our love and attack our beloved Antifa. A wall of love is the only solution against hate.”
The wall is expected to cost the city $1 Billion. When asked who will pay for the wall, Wheeler shouted to a cheering crowd, “The NRA, Republicans, Trump, and the Shriners are going to pay for it. And if they don’t, I will raise every Portland citizen’s income tax by an average of $50,000 with a 108% sales tax. Yay, Portland! Yay, Antifa!”
Construction of the wall is expected to start in the next few days and finish by May Day, International Workers’ Day. “The wall will be made of Portland Cement and will be 50 feet high. Nobody’s getting in or out of this city. Nobody.” Wheeler continued.
When asked how he has the authority to implement this plan, Wheeler replied, “I’m the Mayor and the Police Chief. Plus I dissolved the city council a few minutes ago. So I can do pretty much whatever I want with Antifa on my side.”
When a reporter from FOX News 12 asked if it was a double-standard to build a wall while blasting President Trump’s wall with Mexico, two Antifa guards whisked the reporter away. The reporter hasn’t been seen for three days.
