Portland, OR – A very interesting thing is taking place in Portland’s hotel industry: business is booming.
As the coronavirus continues to damage economies worldwide, Portland’s hotel and motel industry is a hotspot of activity. “The only thing keeping us afloat right now is the constant rioting,” said The B-Hive Motel owner Stephan James. “We’re up over 200% from this time last year and we have no vacancies.”
Local Antifa rioters have been rioting and causing mayhem for months now. Because of this newfound notoriety, people from all over the country are traveling to see what all the fuss is about. “Ecotourism is dead, but riot-tourism is super hot right now,” says travel expert Shauna Blender. “People are bored staying at home because of covid and want some excitement in their dull and boring lives. Riot-tourism offers people the chance to see destruction and the collapse of a city up close and personal in real time. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before, I promise you that.”
Chester and Norma Lattner travelled from Scottsdale, Arizona to Portland just to see the razing of the city. “Normally we like to visit national parks, pet stores and other places to see nature. We considered ourselves ecotourists. Not any longer,” said Chester. “Riot-tourism is way more fun. Let it burn! But just don’t burn down the motel we’re staying at until we’ve left, okay?”
The Lattners are certainly not the only riot-tourists visiting. Portland Travel Bureau expects hundreds of thousands to visit the spectacle. “We just can’t believe how fortunate we are to have our fellow Antifa friends destroying our city,” Travel Bureau Chief Randy Dandy said. “Thank you, Antifa comrades!”
However, local Antifa organizer Joe Schmunk says he didn’t think he’d be saving local business. “Our goal is to destroy capitalism and the local economy. So I guess I’m a little confused right now,” said Schmunk. “I think me and the comrades are going to have to take a little visit to the B-Hive soon and I’m not talking about sleeping overnight, if you get what I mean.”
