Boise, ID – Using his unlimited executive order powers, President Donald Trump has ordered military forces to invade and capture the state of Idaho to stop the rioting and looting there. “Everyone tells me Idaho is the worst place this lawlessness and disorderliness is happening. So I had to do something, being the Law-And-Order president that I am. Everyone calls me that. I didn’t make that up myself.”
Over 1,000,000 troops have been sent in to quell the massive amount of violence in the state, compared to the approximately 200,000 troops that were sent into Iraq in 2003.
Every person in the state is being rounded up at gunpoint and placed in FEMA camps until the unrest is back under control. “President Trump has the best interest in mind for the citizens of my state,” said Gov. Brad Little. “We voted for Trump in 2016 and know we will again in 2020 because we all find it perfectly reasonable to be locked up indefinitely by our own military. He’s making Idaho great again with this action.”
Trump has called on lifelong friend and actor Chuck Norris to lead the charge into Idaho. “Chuck was my best choice for this very special and delicate mission to subdue my own citizens. Have you seen that movie he was in where he played an Army guy and killed like 300 enemies? He was great and most importantly, tough. More tough than my other very special and close friend, John Wick,” said Trump. “Except for all the people I’ve had to fire since being president, I’ve made excellent choices in who I hire. Admiral Chuck is the best and will lead our ships and submarines into traitorous Idaho with honor and valor while being very cool at the same time. The kids in this beautiful country love him.”
Trump then went onto describe the best Chuck Norris memes he’s seen, which he says helped him make his decision. “Did you see the one where Chuck is giving a thumbs up and it says ‘Chuck Norris hit 11 out of 10 targets with 9 bullets’? Just awesome! Or how about this new one I found on The Sasquatch Sun, my favorite website by the way, where it says ‘When Chuck Norris plays hot potato at parties he plays with hand grenades and he plays alone.’ Just wow!” Trump exclaimed.
Trump then abruptly ended the press conference without much warning. “May God be with the people of Idaho because they’re going to need it after Captain Chuck is done with them. I’m awesome and you’re not. Press conference over.”
