Boise, ID – With the latest surprise drop of her new “folklore” album and single “cardigan“, Taylor Swift has another surprise for her fans. She has moved to Idaho to start a new drink concept she invented: potato milk. “What better place to move than to Idaho, to start my new potato fad drink?” said Swift.
With dollar signs in her eyes, Swift moved to Boise to start her new company and new life. “I love Idaho. Everyone’s so nice to me with all their guns and Trump supporting. I feel at home, you know?” said Swift.
Swift says she accidentally created the drink in her kitchen one day. “I opened the door of my over 1,500 square foot pantry and noticed some rotten potatoes on the second floor. It really smelled bad. I mean super bad – gag worthy bad,” related Swift. “But I noticed something interesting: the milky goo from the rotten potatoes. I figured, why couldn’t I turn this into a product that will make me super rich? I love, love, love money.”
Swift began to experiment in her kitchen and soon came up with a recipe. “It looks just like regular milk, but with a bit of a potatoey taste” said Swift. “Sometimes it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit, but most of the time I can get it down, especially if I add a lot of sugar. It’s very nutritious.”
The name of the potato milk is “Taylor Swift’s Folklore Potato Milk”. “I thought of that one myself,” said Swift.
When told other companies have already invented potato milk, Swift responded, “But they don’t have my name on the label, do they? That’s the only reason anybody will drink this stuff.”
“I also have another surprise for my many, many fans,” said Swift. “I love being a Republican now. Yep.”
And she had one more huge surprise. She’s met the love of her life – her new boyfriend. “His name is Virgil Hemstock. He’s a 67-year old potato farmer with diabetes. He knows a lot about potatoes, dirt and pickup trucks. He has lots of guns and votes for Trump, just like me now.” said Swift. “We’re a match made in potato heaven and I definitely don’t see myself writing another boyfriend song like I’ve done many times before. Also I’m going back to country music after my folklore album is done. So that’s another surprise for y’all.”
[Taylor Swift photo credit: Glenn Francis/Wikimedia Commons]
