Seattle, WA – Microsoft Access programmer Benji Cartwright is a self-described introvert. “I identify as a Person-Of-Shyness. I try to be bold at parties and at work, but mostly I try to avoid people at all costs, including the restroom. I’m really very proud of that,” he said.
Thursday was a very tough day for Cartwright as he attempted to make it to the men’s bathroom. “Usually around 8:45 I head off to the restroom, just like clockwork. What I hate about the restroom that is closest to me is that everyone can see who goes in and out. Plus it goes right by Brittney’s desk.” Cartwright continued as his face grew red, “So I try to avoid that one in the morning. I usually head to the one two floors down, the one in the back corner nobody really knows about. It’s my little secret and I can stay in there as long as I want.”
As he was heading to his secret restroom, he noticed his supervisor walking into it. Cartwright couldn’t believe it and related, “I said to myself, ‘I can’t go in there if Bruce is in there. What if I rip one too loud and he hears me? I could get fired’. So I walked three more floors down to my backup bathroom.”
Cartwright said he ran down the stairs, which is against Microsoft’s Safety Policy, and quickly darted down a hall, only to see one of his annoying co-workers, Lenny, just standing in front of the restroom looking at his Android smartphone. “Luckily he didn’t notice I was in the hall. I immediately turned right and hid in a dark meeting room until I figured out my next move. I really had to go bad,” he said.
Unfortunately, the next closest bathroom was across the street, one block down. “I turned back down the hall and ran outside and down the block to our SQL Database Development office. It was pouring rain. I made it in and none of those database nerds noticed me. I hurried down the hall and as I was just about to enter the restroom, I saw that it was closed for renovation. I couldn’t believe it.”
Undaunted, he had to walk ten blocks to the nearest Starbucks. “I had to buy a hot chocolate to use the bathroom, but nobody saw me. Yes!”
It is estimated that Cartwright walked over two miles to avoid his co-workers going to the restroom at the same time. This has been certified as a new world record.
