Pacific Northwest – Smokey the Bear has a message for rioters across the Pacific Northwest: “Only YOU can prevent forest fires! Whatever you throw, make sure it don’t glow!”
The icon of forest fire management came forward with his urgent message in response to the recent outbreak of fires across the west coast and southwest regions of the U.S., burning thousands of acres and hundreds of homes.
Earlier this year, Smokey the Bear was in public disgrace after Tweets were uncovered showing he didn’t believe in Bigfoot. But the Court of Public Opinion has bigger fish to fry now, so Smokey has received a temporary stay of cancellation.
“It’s very, very important for rioters to choose their projectiles carefully,” said Smokey. “Instead of a burning Molotov cocktail, which could easily spread to nearby buildings and then trees, why not choose a frozen water balloon? It hurts and breaks stuff but it won’t cause a fire, plus balloons are very colorful and fun. Even better, when the ice melts, the water inside the balloon can be used to put out any small fires there might be – for instance, from dropped blunts.”
“Smokey raises a good point,” said Seattle rioter Majestic, while taking a long drag on a joint. “We have to be responsible to our Mother Earth while we’re fighting the cops. Fire can get out of control real fast.” He then flicked his joint into a nearby bush and walked away, holding up an ACAB sign.
[Smokey photo credit (modified, cropped): kathrynlerro/Pixabay]
