Lewiston, ID – A new world record has been set for the sighting of a single Sasquatch in three states contemporaneously. The event occurred March 25 where the three states of Washington, Oregon, and Idaho come together at the Snake River. It was witnessed by Matthew Cointosser, 59, of Bluff Creek, California.
“I was staying at the Garden Creek Ranch on the Idaho side with my four cats, Harry, Barry, Larry, and John”, Cointosser said. “The eleventh night here, I was in my van down by the river and I noticed what I thought was a person playing with rocks in the river, which I thought was strange. Normally people play with sagebrush and snakes down there. I went down closer to get a better look. Sure enough, it was a Bigfoot taking a lovely evening bath, right in the middle of the river where the three state lines meet. I couldn’t believe it. I had just witnessed a world record. Bigfoot’s pretty cool.”
Cointosser continued, “Unfortunately, as I was about to take a picture of her with my phone, John jumped out of my duffle bag. I slipped and some rocks fell down into the river. This startled her and she waded to the other side, up State Line Creek. She looked at me, smiled, waved and then she was just gone. I only got a very blurry picture of her. But it was a Sasquatch, alright. There is no other explanation. Snake River needs to be renamed to Sasquatch River.”
When asked how he knew it was a female Sasquatch he said “She had big boobies.”
Cointosser was unable to provide the picture at the time of this story.
Investigators with the Bigfoot Research Organization, including President Matt Moneymaker, visited the site April 1. Moneymaker said it was definitely not a hoax and declared Cointosser to be the new world champ for the sighting of a single Sasquatch contemporaneously. “We call that the big “SSSC” at the BFRO”, he said. “There is no other explanation for this. It was a squatch, no doubt about it. We will be back very soon with my BFRO crew to investigate this very special event.
Without warning, Moneymaker proceeded to make a very loud whooping sound. Other than the echo, there was no response. “No other explanation”, he said three more times and then walked into the darkness.
For his efforts, Cointosser received a small Bigfoot trophy in the shape of a big foot, was made an honorary BFRO Level 3 Investigator, given a lifetime subscription to the BFRO website, and received a complimentary $13.50 gift certificate to the Denny’s restaurant in La Grande, OR.
“This is the best day of my life!” Cointosser said just before he drove 192 miles to the restaurant with his three remaining cats.
