Portland, OR - While the world fights the spread of Coronavirus, local Antifa heroes are welcoming the disease with open arms to Portland. "We need every tool and weapon at our disposal to fight the fascists in our community," said Sir Tim Affina, o
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Portland, OR - Portland schools are going back to the basics: school uniforms. However, these aren’t your great-great-great-grandparents’ uniforms. These are uniforms inspired by Portland’s local heroes, Antifa. The Sasquatch Sun has learned that
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Portland, OR - At a recent campaign event, President Trump declared he is diligently working on fixing the coronavirus problem. “I’m planning on quarantining Portland in the next few days and sending all patients from all over the United States ther
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Salem, OR - Bringing cotton candy though Oregon has been a hotly debated topic for years. However, a new US Department of Agriculture rule has set the record straight. The rules announced last week will allow for the interstate transport of cotton c
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Portland, OR - To soothe the violent nature of Portland’s thriving Antifa culture, it has been reported that Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler is using a new technique to calm the group’s frayed nerves: ASMR. “I will heal our comrades with my soothing voic
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